I make oatmeal the way my grandmother used to make it for me, which means it’s delicious but both unhealthy and childish. *shrug*. I made some this morning and decided to document it, mostly because I can’t be trusted alone with a camera.

I use instant oatmeal, because that’s what’s been in our kitchen since forever, but my grandmother totally ignored the “Quick: 1 minute” directions and so do I. This takes about fifteen to twenty minutes, depending on how much of a mess I manage to make.

You pour a little bit of water in a bowl and add a bit less than a cup of oatmeal. oatmeal in water

You heat the oatmeal, stirring so it won’t burn and stick to the pot, but letting it come to a boil. What you’re waiting for here is the water to evaporate almost completely, leaving oatmeal mush in its wake.

See, turning the oatmeal grains into oatmeal mush is the first step in sucking all nutritional value out. Still, you don’t want it to be too mushy, or the milk won’t thicken enough. Which brings us to step 2: add milk to mush.

Just like you’re making chocolate milk, add chocolate (I use regular nesquik powder), sugar, and a dash of salt. And some cinnamon, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Stir occasionally, because, again, burning is not good, and will be tasted. But also let it boil every once and again. Sing a little song, check the taste, do a little dance, and once the “oatmeal” is at the level of thickness you prefer, take off the heat.

Pour it into your bowl, using a strainer to catch the grains. Wouldn’t want to ruin breakfast with any sort of nutrition, would we?* Of course, you stir with contents of the strainer with a spoon to get all the liquid through, or it will take hours. I suppose a person could eat the grains if they wanted – they’re cooked and all – but they just don’t look too appetizing to me.

 I usually just throw them away.

What’s left is something not unlike hot chocolate, but much thicker, richer and heavier.



Since my tastes plateaued at five years old, I shred some bread in (something with a certain amount of lard works best, like cuban),                              


and enjoy!

We call this pan con chocolate, which simply means bread with chocolate. I say “we” in reference to my family, not Hispanics in general, because when I google imaged “pan con chocolate” I couldn’t find this at all. Whatevs! They’re missing out.



*Nutrition is very important and you shouldn’t neglect your health. However, I enjoy spoiling myself every once in a while, and that’s what this is. Chocolate for breakfast!