August 2008

What a transparent and lazy effort to get ex-Clintonites and fundies. As a woman and an ex-Hill-supporter I have to wonder – just how stupid does McCain think I am? What an insult to our collective intelligence. Look! A vagina! Must vote! Fuck you, McCain, seriously.

On the other hand, you know, it’ll probably work. Sigh.


Stuff happens, I refuse to write about it. But I can tell you all about my shoe drama. Shamelessly, without any mention of where I’ve been the last few weeks.

Friday afternoon, I’m on the bus to go, you know, home. Where there’s food and TV and various animals and so on, good stuff. And then God decided to remind me I live in the tropics, or whatever, because the skies opened up and it rained for about two hours while I was stranded at the mall (stranded in a, “I really don’t want to walk in that” way. Which counts, I think). It was ridiculous. I’ve seen hurricanes less violent. The water eventually calmed down and got to the point you could walk it and stay not-completely-soaked for several seconds, so I finally caught a bus and continued on my way. The rain nearly stopped before my stop, so, yay (and here’s also where I learned a Very Important Lesson about carrying an umbrella [and the prices of umbrellas at my local mall]), but the flooding was, like, a lot. Up to the knees and all.

Now, I’ve walked this sort of thing before. Specifically, when I was in high school and the yellow buses didn’t give two shits how hard it was raining or how far you had to walk. In fact, I have rather fond memories of trudging along, barefoot with rolled-up jeans, visibility about two feet ahead (one foot with the glasses on), all manner of mysterious objects running past my legs. Good times. It’s not so great when you’ve been, like, working for five or six hours and you’ve got really valuable, sensitive electronics in your bag. Still, I remembered the drill. The jeans went up, the bag went under my (rather roomy, it turns out) shirt, but the shoes stayed on because I just couldn’t make myself walk barefoot. Mistake, people. I get home, I strip, I shower, I relax for a couple of days.

Monday morning, I get changed. I go to put my sneakers on and pause. Gee, I wonder where that very distinct smell of soured milk is coming from? Oh, its from my ruined sneakers that have been quietly building bacteria all weekend. Oh.

Anyway, I flailed a moment before finding another pair of shoes – converses, otherwise known as The Most Uncomfortable Non-heeled Shoe Known to Man. Seriously, Converse, my feet are not actually entirely flat. Geez.


Well, instead of working on my research paper yesterday, I spent forty minutes dissolving into giggles and feminine snorts over this site. It’s cakes. It’s amazing. Ok, I may have been in a delirious state of mind (the kind you slip into after reading several thirty-page studies on pleading behavior [why do I choose these topics? Why?]), but really, Cake Wrecks is gold. I laughed myself so tired I just went right to sleep afterwards, like a baby. Hence my mad scrambling to finish that paper in three hours today.

Oh my God, my paper’s due in two days.

Personal favorites, in no particular order:

Inspiration vs Perspiration (IMO, best if you scroll down and don’t look ahead too much)

Beyond Bizarre

and What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate

Ok, after the post on the short personality test, I had a looksee around the rest of the site. And I found this gem: Would You Have Been A Good Wife in the 30s? Gee, I dunno, would I??? Clearly, I had to find out.

Now, I admit, when I was younger I often dreamed of living in a previous era. This was before I had to consider issues of race and class and human rights and blah blah blah progress. Dresses! yay! I wanted to write books and be a kept daughter then a housewife with ohthechildren. Which, you know, nothing wrong with that, except it turns out that’s not really me at all. I mean, I don’t know, maybe if my home situation were different I wouldn’t mind just hanging around till I was twenty-something, and if I didn’t have so many issues with the other sex (and with sex!) I’d be a little more interested in finding That Guy. But circumstances being and having been what they are, I want nothing more than to get out of this house and into a small apartment somewhere, sans parents, boyfriend, and anyone else to depend on except for a roommate.

So, would I have been a good 30s housewife? Let’s find out in the most unscientific way possible. Now, the quiz is actually a check-mark list. Let me comment on my reasoning here:

  • You would ask your husband’s opinion before making a big decision or purchase. That’s just good sense!
  • You tell risque or vulgar stories. Always. Or, occasionally. I know a couple.
  • You would often remark on your husband’s strength and masculinity. My husband would probably not be very strong or masculine, so I guess not.
  • You smoke, drink, gamble, or use drugs. No. I don’t.
  • You keep snacks in the refrigerator that a man would like for late night eating. I keep snacks in the fridge that I like. Do guys like pudding?
  • You walk around the house in your stocking feet. I had to stop here for several seconds and be uncertain about what “stocking feet” are.
  • You are not crabby first thing in the morning. You wake up with a pleasant disposition. Yes! I am a morning person, strangely enough.
  • You wear red nail polish. Never.
  • You keep yourself dainty, feminine, and smelling nice. Uh, sure.
  • You use slang or profanity. Yes.
  • You are a good seamstress. You can sew your own clothes and clothes for the children. Hahahahaha!
  • You wear your pajamas while cooking. I substituted “houseclothes” for “pajamas” and the answer was yes.
  • You Would Make an Okay 1930’s Wife
    You have some of the attributes of an ideal 1930’s wife… but you probably didn’t intend it to be that way.
    You don’t buy into retro gender roles, though you do embrace your femininity at times.
    A 1930’s man may find you passable, but you probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

    Good to know.

    My sister is unhealthily addicted to personality tests, and I thought this might be a good answer to the various tests she sends me (because hers are all, like, sixty to two-hundred questions and suck up half my day).

    My results (with my reflections italicized, ’cause, you know, it’s my blog and I’ll comment if I want to):

    You are sexy, powerful, and bold ( 1) not as far as I’m aware, 2) hahano, and 3) perhaps a day or two out of the week month)
    You’re full of passion and energy…  (actually, I’m decidedly clinical and lazy)
    Sometimes this passion has a dark side. (sometimes, the laziness has a dark side, I guess)

    You feel most alive when you’re seducing someone. (Um, maybe? I’ll find out and get back to you?)
    You never fail to get someone’s attention. (….this one is just wrong in a kind of flat-out, “that’s kind of more sad than funny” way)
    Quick minded, you’re also quick to lose your temper! (yeah, ok, whatever. I do have issues with RAGE).

    All in all, I’m calling this test a failure. Like, on every level possible. But that didn’t stop me from picking different answers until I found the one I like.

    You are happy, driven, and status conscious. (Just happy and driven enough that I’ll tolerate the descripters’ presence there, and yeah, definitely status-conscious. So far so accurate).
    You want everyone to know how successful you are. (Well, that’s a pretty loaded statement. Or, wait, no, it’s just that I personally a little linen closet of issues regarding my success or lack thereof. If we change that to, ‘you want people to know that you’re successful, but not how successful you really are, because you view your current position in life a failure and don’t want to talk about it.’ But that’s kind of long for the world’s shortest quiz).
    Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy. (Well. Someone’s been reading my critique of a certain previous results summary.)

    A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself. (To quote Xander: ”  ‘Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?’ Well, what if I’m a people person who keeps his own company by default?)
    You always keep your cool and your composure. (I agree. Except for the occasional…RAGE)
    You are a born leader and business person. (Oh, no. No. Why do quizzes throw that in there? Don’t they realize how very few people are born leaders? Argh.)

    This one was clearly a little better, but it didn’t satisfy my it’s-a-slow-night need for MORE.

    You are pure, moral, and adaptable. (Adaptable, yes. I don’t know what you mean by pure, and I suspect you have no clue either so I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see it. Moral? By my own standards, I guess. But that’s pretty easy, since I get to set those myself [ with readjustments every Wednesday morning!])
    You tend to blend into your surroundings. (yes, I do. Like woodwork, which isn’t a word I use often because I think it sounds dirty, but there you go.)
    Shy on the outside, you’re outspoken to your friends. (That was surprisingly insightful of you, personality quiz. Only because one of the big failings of online personality tests in general is they refuse to acknowledge that you can be shy/passionate in certain situations and outspoken/dispassionate in others. Or maybe it’s just me, and that where most people split 80-20 I go 45-55).

    You believe that you live a virtuous life…  (yes, I do!)
    And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. (Others, inanimate objects, online quizzes…)
    As a result, people tend to crave your approval. (What? That happens?? I wish. Maybe when I have kids I’ll start seeing that particular benefit [ah, my future, screwed-up offspring. They’ll resent and need me at the same time!])

    At this point I wasn’t fully satisfied yet, so tried for one more (which was, you know, how much time I had before dinner). This time I picked the little picture I liked the least:

    You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. (Wow. Do people with terrible taste get complimented a lot? Uh, thanks)
    Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. (Yes, apparently, they do. But I hate puzzles, so.)
    You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. ( I want to say “yes” without being arrogant. Actually, it’s possible people give in to my arguments because they want me to please be quiet why won’t you shut up)

    For you, comfort and calm are very important. (Oh my god, it’s all true!)
    You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. (I don’t thrive on my own, but I do shrug off most affection. And no, that isn’t working so much)
    You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. (This personality test sucks) .

    Good stuff.

    *Buffy episode 2×09, “What’s My Line prt 1”

    Apparently it’s the birthing season, or something, because the Humane Society is full to bursting with kittens and can’t take another feline. This is bad news for The Cat, who I renamed Kitten because she’s tiny, it’s cuter, and now that her baby’s resting in peace she can actually pass for one. I want to avoid Animal Services because they euthanize, and I’m thinking that

    a) she’s a cat, not a dog

    b) she’s an older kitty

    and c) not many people adopt through them anyway (damn you, Petco and “free kittens” boxes)

    So, finding Kitten a home is  going to be a little more complicated than I thought. I’ve built up a small army of animal shelter numbers and websites, but again – birthing season, or whatever.

    In other news, I painted my nails orange. Well, I thought it was orange, but it’s turned out more of a…rust. Hmm.

    I swear she looks healthier now (the lazy eye is totally gone!):

    Kitten, with her dearly departed...kitten.

    Kitten, with her dearly departed...kitten.