April 2010


I actually managed to (a) dress myself (b) leave the house!! Go me! Actually, the evening was a steady degradation of plans to celebrate graduation – which I have not actually completed, though I did attend the ceremony a few days ago – which was first moved a day, and then moved another day. We were going to go to a nice opera, and then in the face of sold-out cheap student tickets and heavy traffic, quickly adapted the plan to a night of drinking and watching Date Night and shopping by the beach, where all the cool clubs are. Then it got kind of late and my poor, batshit crazy mom’s head exploded at the thought of my staying out past midnight even in the face of my long history of staying out until two or three in the morning, so we decided to watch Date Night and maybe just sip a beer at the nearby mall, which is a great hangout spot if you are a middle school teenager and not much else. And then my friend’s car broke down for the hundredth time and I naively thought it would be fine to go with M. and R., who are a couple, just the three of us, yay! So of course I sat in a dark theatre by myself for half the movie while they “talked” outside, and then sat in a dark theatre basically by myself while they cuddled nearby.

The movie, though, was pretty funny and I am not much of a socializer anyway, so I enjoyed myself pretty well anyway. Afterwards M. and R. once more wandered off by themselves and in a valiant attempt not to resent their couply happiness I listened to music and really, really wished anyplace was still open so I could have a drink, any drink, and then flirted with a security guard in a last-ditch attempt to entertain myself/FEEL LOVED confirm my ability to hold a conversation, and then I went home and watched Life and House Hunters International.

So, overall, can I say I have a life? Well, no. But I think I made at least a good-faith effort, right?

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OK, so – been a while! I logged on today for the first time in not-quite a year, and saw that I had actually written a Hiatus Announcement post, and then obviously never actually got around to publishing it….blogging fail. But in any case, I decided to back away from the internet for a while and journal privately (in an actual notebook, with a pen!). And I did that, and now I’m here again.

So to quickly bring you up to speed; I’m still at the department store, depressingly, I’m basically done with university minus a summer class I’m taking, after which I will graduate immediately,and  my plans for the future are a giant mess though I feel very good at the moment about all the different ways it could go. I’m considering wrapping up my self-imposed dating hold, what with school being over. I’m thinking of maybe staying here in the city rather than, as I had assumed until very very recently, transplanting myself almost halfway across the country to New Jersey and making it somehow work there. I may take some extra classes – maybe go for a graduate certificate – because my GPA certainly suffered this last year what with the working and the class overload and the personal stress. But all of that will be detailed later.

Today I’m running errands. Because I have free time for the first time in, no joke, a year at least. It’s amazing how much you can actually get done when you don’t have four or five different projects hanging ominously over your head. So I am: returning library books, using a coupon I have to buy a graduation present for my sister, sending my transcript out to an internship in Baltimore, returning a fairly hideous bag, stepping into a pretty store I discovered the other day to just window shop a little, picking up some food for the budgies – in other words, being normal and enjoying myself.

More later!

yours anonymously,

– Tuesday