She’s sitting at a public library computer, staring down at the keyboard and thinking, “This nail color isn’t working out the way it’s supposed to.” Ok, so there’s a reason I had such a hard time finding green. I’ll call it a beginner’s mistake and move on.

I like painting my nails, now. Mostly, it gives me something to look at — when I’m typing, when I’m doing dishes, when I’m walking and my hand swings just into view at the corner of my eye. But this strangely light, irritatingly metallic green sheen thing I’ve got going on — it keeps my interest, at least, but that’s less in the “oh, pretty colors” way and more the repulsed way in which I watched 80% of Santino’s presentations that season of Project Runway. I am glad he made it to the finale, though, because I thought his final collection was the best and should have won — Chloe’s put me to sleep and Daniel V. absolutely horrified me (while also putting me to sleep. Strange feeling).

And yeah, they’ve been giving PR marathons on Bravo all damn week. The fifth season starts on Wednesday, apparently — seems a little soon for me, but I’m not complaining. Auf Wiedersehen .